Today I want to focus on a very important aspect of one’s surroundings that is difficult to spot promptly. And over time these small things affect the mental health and well-being of a child massively. These traits are mostly of a parent but can be of any dear one too like a cousin, relative, etc. If you’re the child of a narcissistic parent, you can have low self-esteem, Anxiety or depression, Co-dependency in other relationships, being a people-pleaser, Inability to say “no”, feeling of Emptiness, Inability to express or handle emotions, Trust issues, seeking validation always, angry, mostly confused and stressed. Narcissism is unhealthy and should be recognised and dealt with well.
Mentioned below are the traits of a narcissistic parent and how to cope with them. Recognize and start working today.
1. You have to do things only their way. It’s always my way or the highway for them.
2. Your feelings don’t matter. You are just a trophy to them which they can show around and brag about your achievements to others when never really trying to motivate you to do good. But will always keep on criticizing to lower or destroy your self-confidence. To them, if you are confident and independent enough you will get out of their hold. They want their hold upon you. You are like possession to them like furniture or things.
3. If you say something which is different from their views then they will try to manipulate you to agree to them on everything. They don’t believe on accept anything different than their view. And the love they give you is only to manipulate.
4. They make you feel like a burden on them for not obeying them.
5. You tend to have the greatest value when they brag about your accomplishments. You are like a chess piece for them, an external component or thing that allows the narcissistic parent to have attention on them.
6. They tend to show that they care only through material things, as opposed to attention or words of encouragement and love.
7. Even if they are around you, yet you feel alone and depressed. You are always confused and can’t make firm decisions because they are the decision-makers for you and you are just a puppet to them who shouldn’t act without their permission.
8. They are control freaks basically. And feel secure when everything is under their control.
9. Jealousy of your achievements, opportunities, or looks prompted criticism and ridicule. They will keep making fun of your looks, making you feel bad about yourself and if someday they do are in the mood to appreciate your looks the attention will only divert to them. ‘Your mom/ dad is good looking that’s why you are handsome/ pretty,’ is the only comment you can get. Everything is about only them. Self-centered you can call it and no one in this world is better than them according to them. They instilt doubt, fear, and inferiority in you.
10. They easily manipulate you even on small things.
11. They sought out the spotlight by playing the victim card, even if it meant demeaning his/her children.
12. They are highly sensitive to negative feedback or criticism, and he/she would kick people out of his/her life who provided it.
13. When angry, he/she showed rage and poor constraint, including anger that easily turns to abuse either through words or physical.
14. Your dreams don’t matter to them Nor do your feelings. she/he had fantasies of success and his/her own achievements that were highly ambitious; when they did not work out, it was someone else’s fault. And they try to live their dreams through you even if you aren’t interested to pursue those dreams yourself because they are not your dreams but theirs.
15. For them you need them as only they are the ones who know the true fix for any given situation.
16. They can easily turn cruel and will keep pressuring you mentally even beating you until you give up or surrender to their will. Being ruthless and unforgiving. Can even go to the point of taking revenge on you for disobeying them. And God forgives but if you ever talk rudely to them which they feel disrespectful, they will make your life miserable.
17. Being absent from your life events, even award ceremonies, etc just to show anger. And never ever appreciating your work as for them you disobeyed them by not following their dreams and aspirations.
18. The relationship you have with him/her is more like a friendship than a parental one. And they are mostly absent from your life. They were absent mostly in your emotional phases.
Match these traits with your loved ones and parents today itself and try finding different methods to cope with it before it gets too late to be handled.
By : Prachi Gupta (Author, Entrepreneur & Social Activist)